Hierophany

My dream was about a girl who was having psychological problems and ended up killing herself.  I don't know my relationship to the girl.  We didn't know one another.

In the dream she was played by Maria F., a respondent in the club drugs study.  It was a tragic story.  I feel like I, with others, had a role in her death.

This girl had come to my place of work to get help.  I was working at something like a psych hospital.  Someone saw this girl as a patient.  After leaving her appointment one snowy day, this girl was having a lot of problems walking up a hill toward ... her school or place of residence connected to the hospital.

The girl kept slipping and falling and looking stupid in the snow.  I was a ways off in the distance with 3 other people, Dr. C was one of these for sure; Cathy S. was one; the other could have been Stacey, Brook, I really don't know.

We were just all-out laughing as this girl would walk a ways up the hill but fall and slide down on her belly, helpless, looking like a seal or something.  We couldn't stop laughing.

No one thought about helping her.  I was worried she could see us.  The others said no way.  At the least, I felt like the girl could sense us getting a laugh out of her handicap.

So I left, and walked around the other side of the building—and this symbolized a passage of time—there were some EMTs leaning over what was, I presumed, the body of the girl.  Some stairs rising out of the top of the hill obscured my view.  I'm pretty sure it was her because this was at the top of the same hill she couldn't get up before.

She had indeed gotten up the hill eventually and had then gone inside the building.  But then she'd hurtled herself though a third floor window of this building to kill herself.  I looked up at the window and all of the glass was gone from it.  Someone was measuring the width and height of the window for whatever reason.  Mike Shannon was leaning out of the window doing some kind of play-by-play.  I wondered what he'd said when the girl jumped.

Otherwise, I know this led to mourning in the residence where she lived with others.  Someone—part of my character?  I feel like my character split at this point—went to see his love interest who was a resident counselor in the dorm where this girl lived.  

I/he was ringing her room but she took a while to come down and was distraught when she did.  I feel like it was John ringing this counselor but whoever I was at the time saw this in third person.  I was over trying to get water?  Trying to gain access to...the convalescent center?  A long corridor that nurses exited?  I saw John meeting his girl over my left shoulder.

Later, Mike Shannon, or who he was affiliated with, typed up some kind of explanation of why the girl had killed herself.

I looked at the list/chain of reasons.  This list/chain was like a cross between a flow chart and a hierarchy.

I was looking in the list for the time when me and Dr. C et al. were laughing at the girl.  I couldn't find it listed explicitly or specifically but I did see on it "laughing" listed, and this was listed near the end.  I gather she also got laughed at in school a lot over the years, even at this school full of pupils receiving treatment at the mental hospital.

                                                                    *

In a preceding but not totally unrelated thread, a bunch of guys, friends from high school, college—maybe Eric Peters—in a house setting eating pizza and drinking beer and watching...March Madness?  Maybe watching or playing something else instead. This part is very spotty and vague.




[02.06.2003]